The Writer Band Sophomore Album!

They say JUMP RIGHT INTO THE ACTION, DUDE/DUDESS!  And that’s exactly what we did with the Writer Band’s sophomore album titled JUMP RIGHT INTO THE ACTION, PEOPLE!  This is our best album to date, and unlike when other artists proclaim this, we’re write, lol, get it?

1.    Prologue Part 1

2.    Prologue Part 24

3.    Watch my picture slideshow with music...I mean book trailer

4.    He Steven Seagal’d my jaw

5.    Hold it right there, new character, state your age, sex, physical description and location

6.    He set his clock for U.S. time

7.    What's the weather like out there in your novel?

8.    He said.  She said.  They emancipated.

9.    If you want to get on this flight, show me your one-page synopsis

10. The four friends, Bill, Bob, Bogart and Bragginghards...

11. He said, "I just got done writing my novel."  His non-writing friend said, "Yeah, I might write a novel tomorrow."

12. No one answered What is Literary Fiction? correct

13. Write what you know, unless you're a dumbass

14. Go to hamburger school...seriously

15. Try a Canadian agent

16. And so deflates my 190,020 word novel, Using Air to Fill Your Tires: How to do it Properly, Safely, and Greenly

17. You're writing can't be worse than THIS song

18. She approached him like a lone pickle in a jar, but she loved pickles, so she attacked him with a shank and is now serving life in prison

19. Where's the honest agent?  I mean Waldo?

20. She gave me a hardcover

21. "ARE U THIS GAI I NO?!?!"

22. My novel is bigger than yours!

23. Want to meet at Bung Hole or Phat Phuc's Noodle Bar (Both actual restaurants located in London, England)

24. Pulchritudinous Endings

THE ENDbet you read this before 24©

25. Epilogue 1

26. Epilogue 9 can be found in book 2

27. Book 2 Chapter 1

28. Acknowledgements:

29. Thnx mom for gettin' me a PC w/ the internets

30. An' my gf Willow <3

31. PS—Hey Tom, remember the toaster strudel incident of 95?!

BONUS TRACK: Like printer speed, the police enthrall

Hey, down here!  Have a great weekend!

Writer Band Debut Album and President Near-Miss

So I was in Washington D. C. over the weekend for my birthday with my wife and two friends.  On Saturday, around 2pm, we visited the Lincoln Memorial.  We were halfway up the stairs when security started turning people back and sealing off the area with caution tape.  Thinking we were in the midst of a biological warfare attack, we walked away at a brisk pace.  Three snipers on the roof of the memorial reinforced my decision to begin speed-walking.  Turns out, the secret service along with the snipers and K-9-assisted officers were securing the area for President Obama's surprise visit. 

At least I got to see half of the stairs of the memorial, right?  Did I mention that the reflective pool was completely drained and filled with mounds of sand?  Not everyone gets to see it that way.

Anyway, since my weekend began early, no one knows the unfortunate news—I'm on hiatus from the Office Band.  But the good news is, I recorded a debut album with a new group of guys and we're calling ourselves the Writer Band!  Below is a promotional photo (notice the "less-messing-around" attitude) along with the EPIC track-listing of our dual-disk album.

The Writer Band

Slaying the Future with Words and One Sword

Disk 1:

1. I should begin my novel, but I'm too busy designing the book cover
2. Go format yourself
3. Excuse me, do you know anyone with regular blue eyes?
4. The white, fluffy, cute, perpendicular, awesome clouds up there
5. Poetry INSERT JOKE HERE
6. He drove from Wisconsin to Thailand
7. My pen name is Dominating Writer, but my real name is Ashley, and I'm a guy
8. That toilet reminds me of a story I once wrote
9. Your piss-inn me off more then ya kno!?!
10. Show + Tell Show
11. It gets better at the end of chapter 93
12. My manuscript owns its own umbrella
13. WTH is a typewriter?
14. Dear agent/editor/publisher/whatever,
15. I told you last week that I'll do the dishes right after I finish this sentence...
16. If I had 1/20 a penny for every "was" in my novel, I'd have $5
17. The language I invented

Disk 2:

18. Motorcycle Chief (because you weren't expecting it)
19. My last stamp
20. People who understand peacocks will understand this
21. The one writer who didn't own a cat
22. The name's Published, Self-Published
23. Bring your thesaurus, and a taser
24. I'M YELLING NOW!!!!!!!!!!
25. !!!!!!!!!!
26. I'll have Scotch.  No, not the tape.
27. Says so on Wikipedia
28. Take me to your noun
29. Comma-machine-gun
30. He said, "YA" and his buddy said, "The genre, or are you agreeing with me?"
31. Based on true plagiarism
32. I’m a fry-cook, cattle-herder, finger-nail technician and novelist.
33. Here, take my blog, ICQ, AIM, Facebook, Myspace, email, gmail, hotmail, Skype, Napster, waist size, and SSN information.  And this sample chapter and poem and pencil and backpack and signed book copy and $10 and hair braids and hair extensions and used Legos and my left sneaker, please.
34. The end
35. Twist, LOL! (The Hidden Song found at 19:24 during the static)